I have made the decision to move and rename. Again.

And since I have made the decision to go to BlogHer 09 (squee!), I need to do this fast-ish-ly so I can have new blog cards and such. Another factor that I will be intentionally vague about is the fact that I am probably going to be showing my blog to Important People sometime soon. I don’t really want them to think that I’m an alcoholic ho-bag, so in the interests of self-preservation (and self-promotion), I have scoured the archives and password-protected a lot of old posts.

And that last sentence will self-destruct in 5 days, so the Important People will NEVER KNOW.

But I want a different look as well. Something without a cartoon girl that’s cuter than the real girl. More professional and tidy but still fun. Definitely less crowding on the screen.

I THINK the new blog will look sort of like this:

I’m having some graphic-quality issues, but you get the gist of it. Like? Hate?

When I launch the new site, I’ll do a blind redirect for at least another month. For those of you who don’t know, that means that the She’s Got Baggage URL will automatically direct you to the new one for awhile. I will do a big, bold-lettered, red-neon-blinky-lights post when the RSS changes, for those of you who follow in a reader.

I hope you’ll come along.

I can’t help it.

I still want to get away from the baggage thing and re-name this place. Something is seriously wrong with me that I keep thinking about this - but ever since I wrote that last post, the thought just keeps popping up:

“No you don’t!”

Of course, moving means I get to do a whole new blog design, which is exciting. Maybe this is what pregnancy is like. You make all sorts of great plans for your new baby and pick out its name and decorations and get misty-eyed and hopeful for its future… although if this followed that preggo scheme too closely and made me gain 30 pounds, I’d never change my blog again.

Ohhhh, what to do? Branding is important (like I’m a brand) but I JUST changed the name a year ago and so I’m kind of eliminating continuity and therefore possibly eliminating any name-recognition (however minimal) that I’ve established.

Hm. Just checked Twitter and saw that Ashley of Turquoise Ribbons is also contemplating a blog name change and move. Same motivation- new chapter in life, fresh start, etc. That means I’m with the cool kids now, right?

When I was 22, I broke off my engagement 3 months before I was to have gotten married. He was a wonderful guy, but it just wasn’t right. Took me awhile to figure that out, but it’s better than getting divorced, I say.

So I re-entered the dating world in the summer of 2003, fresh out of a long-term relationship with a very conservative man who didn’t like me to have male friends or short skirts. I was free, free! I wanted male friends and boyfriends and short skirts were the way to get them!

After my first post-engagement boyfriend threatened to commit suicide when I broke up with him, I sought refuge in the arms of The Next Guy, a very handsome Indian doctor with a sophisticated lifestyle and a Very Important Job as a surgeon. We went to trendy restaurants and bars, and I spent way too much money buying trendy clothes in a desperate attempt to blend in. What this fellow saw in me and my Gap-based wardrobe was beyond me. We didn’t have any major sparks, but Next Guy was fun to hang out with and a lot more low-maintenance than Suicidal Rebound Ex. Plus, he taught me how to shop.

Suicidal Rebound Ex was still on my case, though, and I made the mistake of saying something about it to Next Guy. A few days later, he told me he didn’t think we should date anymore.

“It’s just kind of hard to deal with the baggage thing,” he sighed.

“What ‘baggage thing?’” I asked.

“The ex-fiance, the crazy suicidal guy, I don’t know…”

“You’re almost thirty years old,” I pointed out. “Everyone has exes by now. You’ll have to go back to high school girls if that’s too much baggage for you.”

“Still. Yours just seems really complicated. I like things to be simple, and there’s just a lot to deal with here. I just want to have fun.”

I didn’t pursue the conversation further. Next Guy and I still ended up being good friends for awhile and it was just as well that we didn’t date, since it turned out that he did have a thing for high school girls… or at least girls dressed up as high school girls in the “Barely Legal” variety of porn.

But what he said stuck. Was my stuff really baggage? Until then I’d just thought of those things as life. Experiences. Things that happen to people, things we deal with, things we leave behind. Maybe he had a point, I considered. Maybe I wasn’t good at letting go. Maybe I’d been scarred for life. Maybe, I thought, my life at 22 had already encompassed enough emotional highs and lows that I had become unappealing to others.

At 27, I named this blog “She’s Got Baggage” because last summer, I thought I’d gathered enough that I could try and make a joke out of it. Ex-boyfriends were baggage. Certain health issues were baggage. Navy, Fireman, Copper and Captain* were baggage. Tim was a freaking steamer trunk. I had to make fun of the fact that I honestly felt like I was doomed.

And now?

Things are actually pretty great. Light. As though everything I thought was awful about my past experiences has actually pushed me in the right direction. Maybe it’s because I’ve learned a few things and let go of a few others.

Even if it has irrevocably changed you for better or worse, is it still baggage if you’ve learned something and moved on?

Sometimes I stare at my blog header and wonder what I was thinking. Because really… DO I?

——————————-

* See June - September 2008

I got a prize! In Italian!

Jen at “Confessions of a Secret Keeper” (which, by the way, is an awesome oxymoron) gifted me with the Premio Dardos Award. I’m going to lift her explanation…

Premio Dardos means “prize darts” in Italian, and is given for recognition of cultural, ethical, literary, and personal values transmitted in the form of creative and original writing.

Rules:

1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person that has granted the award and his or her blog link.

2) Pass the award to other 15 blogs that are worthy of this acknowledgment. Remember to contact each of them to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

I’m actually not very good at darts. And I don’t speak any Italian that you won’t find on sheet music or on a menu. But hey - thanks Jen! I’m only about a month late in recognizing the award, and I do apologize for that. This post has been sitting in draft mode and I thought I’d published it already. Oopsie.

I’m bad about passing on prizes, I’ll throw that out there right now. 15 is a big number. But I do want to give this especially to Gretchen at Gretch-a-Sketch. She’s a lovely Mormon girl from Utah who has had her personal blog since 2007. However, Gretchen for recently left on her mission, and in doing so was required to unplug herself from all things Internet. But she’s still dedicated to sharing her stories with her many loyal readers, and now does so in the form of letters home that her parents post on her blog. I admire the way Gretchen shares stories about her work with her religion without ever coming across as evangelical or preachy - it’s just a love for what she’s doing with her life.

Rachael at A Sweetheart and a Soldier gifted me with the Neno’s Award for loving blogging!
The goals of this award..

1. As a dedication to those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging

2. To seek the reasons why we all love blogging

3. Put the award in one post as soon as you receive it!

4. Don’t forget to mention the person who gave you the award

5. Answer the awards question by writing the reason you love blogging

I love blogging because secretly, I think my life is interesting and I want other people to agree with me. I’m one of those sociopathic nutjobs who feels validated when people leave comments, whether the post is about pain, paint, or what dress I want to buy. I think I’m a better communicator through writing than through speaking (just TRY and have a conversation with me and see if you think I’m illiterate in 2 minutes or less) and it makes me happy when I can put on a screen the things I can’t verbalize when it’s time to tell a story in person.

And the blogging community. I lurves you crazy kids. I like being a voyeur into your lives and even though you don’t leave me many comments, I know that at least 75 of you per day are watching my life unfold too. In the last few years, bloggers haven’t just accidentally become a community, they’ve proactively  BUILT a community by starting social networking sites, planning meetups, sharing awards, and reaching out to one another on a personal level.  It’s great to be a part of it.

6. Tag and distribute this award to as many people as you like

7. Don’t forget to notify the award receivers and put their links in your post

Who loves blogging? Doot doot dooo… oh, let me think… this one goes out to my friends who blogged, stopped blogging, and came back due either to loving blogging (I hope) or continued harrassment from their loyal fans (quite possible).

Paige at Life Goes On, I Think

Sean at More Blitherings

There. Up-to-date on awards. :o)

Literally. Bwahahaha!

I moved into my house in October 2006. I was able to buy it at a great price because it needed updating so badly, and since it was held in a trust the sellers didn’t want to do any work on it and wanted to unload it is soon as possible.

Enter me, with a toolbox, an industrious family, and a Home Depot credit card.

The house officially went on the market last week, and the realtor has had 5 showings already. I’ve been griping a lot about how much it’s taken to get the house ready to show, but when I look back, it’s not much compared to what I did in the first 4 months after moving in.

Here’s some of the most convincing evidence:

LIVING ROOM: BEFORE

Shutters on the stained-glass windows? Shades BOLTED to the wall?

And the nastiest carpet, which simply had to go.

LIVING ROOM:AFTER

The carpet covered this gorgeous hardwood floor. It took five coats of plaster patching to fix the holes left from the bolted-in curtain track, but it was worth it to open up that window.

Amazing what a coat of paint and a new light fixture can do! And, you know, some TASTE.

KITCHEN: BEFORE

That phone is built right into the wall. Time for more plaster! Note the lovely yellow and brown tile for maximum 1970s effect.

All of the cabinets were in great shape physically, but they were so greasy and just plain dated-looking, in desperate need of a scrub and refinish.

KITCHEN: AFTER

All tile refinished in bright white, and all cabinets painted dark red-brown and then fitted out with silver hinges and handles.

Removed the nasty fluorescent fixture from the ceiling and added silver track lighting to brighten the place up. Replaced nasty yellow range hood with the microwave.

The kitchen and living room are shown here, and you can see the bedroom, study, dining room, bathrooms, and basement rooms on my brand-spankin’-new Flickr photostream, complete with my brilliant comments about each room and what I did. (Big thanks to mom for inhaling all those paint fumes with me, and to dad for fixing everything I couldn’t!)

I had to shell out $220 yesterday for a service call and 3 pounds of freon for the air conditioner. Not that it wasn’t worth it to get the house down from a tropically humid 88 degrees, but it kind of makes me miss my nice old landlord. I’m moving to save money and decrease the time I have to spend maintaining a place that is honestly too big for just one person. I want a smaller space, less stress, and less worry that the air conditioner is REALLY going to die and cost me many thousands of dollars to replace.

I’ll still probably be sad to leave my little house when the time comes, but perhaps I’ll just hold my head high, say “My work here is done,” and scoot off to the bank with a hefty check for my sweat equity.